November 26, 2012

Motherlode Monday


It’s one of those questions that come to mind in the latter stages of life, but I have asked myself this on many occasions.

The first time I recall pondering this question was after I brought my newborn twins from the hospital. It seemed that I could never satisfy their infinite demands. Feeding, changing, bathing, and soothing their cries was my primary concern. All else fell by the wayside.

When I peered into the mirror I could barely recognize myself, “What have I done with my life?”

Fast forward 17 months later when baby #3 was born, we now had three kids under the age of two. Keeping up with the trio left me drained to say the least and it wasn’t all their fault. In the midst of it all, I appeared strong and capable. Even my husband didn’t believe me when I said I was overwhelmed. As a result, I ended up having a screaming fit in my closet which left him feeling bewildered and my children afraid.

In hindsight I was waiting for someone to rescue me, but I didn’t fit the ‘appearance’ of someone who needed help.

I needed to take care of myself. “What have I done with my life?”

I contacted a therapist to help me deal before I lost the only marble I had left.

During my time in therapy, I often referred to my life transition as a death. Essentially, I was mourning the loss of my ‘former self.’ Each time I asked, “What have I done with my life?” I didn’t realize that I had not died, just simply moved on into another stage of life.

I was establishing a NEW NORMAL.

Oh, the freedom that comes with the renewing of the mind!!

In finding a NEW NORMAL came a whole ‘nother level of self-discovery.

I never thought of myself as being change adverse, but realized I was okay with change as long as I was the one in control. [You can laugh now.]

Life changes. Duh, everyone knows that. But if that’s the case, why are we blindsided when we come to a new phase in our lives?

Add kids to the mix and you realize EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS CHANGING AND EVOLVING at an even faster rate. It’s called growth, people.

I’ve been through LOTS of transition since then and have been able to roll with the punches. BRING IT ON, but not too much at one time.

Are you in the process of finding a new normal? Are you currently asking yourself, “What have I done with my life?” I’ve finally answered that question…I’M LIVING IT!

 Featured image via Flickr

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  1. Mimi Says:

    Loooove this!! I think when we truly come to the realization that sometimes we have to loosen the reigns and truly go with the flow and the changes that are life we open ourselves to be more fulfilled.

    I still question what am I doing with my life when it comes to career goals but for the most part I’ve learned to roll with the punches. That means sometimes a dirty house, or unfolded clothes but I now know my limits and my strengths and I am working with them one day at a time…and I don’t care who has an issue with it!! So I guess I am living my life in a way that I feel is free and it feels good although it has taken some time to get her. Your candidness in this post is inspiring.

    I love you <3!!


  2. Antonette Says:

    Mimi, I coulnd’t have said it better myself. This also come w/ being comfortable with yourself…physically, mentally & spiritually! I still struggle with it. But I’ve come a long way. Erika, your post was on point for sure. I love the Motherload Monday!


  3. Cam | Bibs & Baubles Says:

    I’m in that space right now. We just had another baby and I’m just starting to find my groove again. The new normal is scary at first and I can totally identify with feeling like I’ve lost myself. Like you, I’ve learned that I can roll with the punches and growth is a good thing. My old self was a cool chica but this mommy version of me is kinda fierce! ;-)

    *I think you’ve just inspired a post…


  4. Nikki White Says:

    Your honesty is so refreshing lady. Kudos to you for sharing this. I think we’ve all had that moment of “WTH” happened to the old me but it’s a blessing to realize it’s all a part of the growing process and seeking professional help can at times be the best gift to ourselves. I have one kid and nearly lost my mind from the lack of sleep etc…when he was first born so I can only imagine twins! Glad you’ve come through to discover your new normal. p.s TGIF!


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